Unexpected Weekend Off.

I find myself unexpectedly with out plans and no place to be at anytime. For two straight days!
I also find myself compleatly broke.
I do believe tho We will make the best of it and play, clean, relax, and enjoy eachother.
Spring is around the corner and today wont be as warm as other days but its still warmer than Michigan.
Im thinking Im ready for hot weather, and Im still counting down for my pool to open. (2 months and 5 days!)
I do believe Ill be spending everyday there again this summer.
<3

I dont have a title

I'm not sure anymore 
David is so unhappy here
I know he wants to be back in Michigan. He thinks I don't want him here.
It hurts to look at him he looks so sad and depressed. He left my David and came back someone else. 
I feel so guilty
I feel selfish keeping him here. I know I love him and I love him enough for him to leave but it'll kill me 
And when I tell him this he gets mad thinks I'm pushing him away.
I'm not
I just want his happiness
It means a lot to me for him to be happy
I'm not sure how to make him happy
I'm failing as a wife
I don't know what to do
I don't know how to do it
I'm lost even more now than ever

I love David more than anything
Just wish it were enough

Alone

I am alone.
I hate it!
I hate that it seems my whole famioly is together, weather its in Cadillac, or Vanderbit. and I am here feeling so alone.

I shouldn't I have my littles. And I enjoyed our movie night.
And I know My family needs eachother.
Yet I feel jealous and I hate that I do
I shouldnt!
I should be and I am happy they are together, They need to be.

But I cant help it! I am alone, (everyone sleeping) and I have been for 14 days not.
Im sick of it. I want someone to talk to.
I want/need to get out of here, To have a real conversation

Im breaking once again. I thought I was getting better and I can feel myself unravling again

My family needs eachother. And I am greatful they have eachother close.
I wish I could be there for them, and its killing me I cant.

It breaks my heart I am here so far away.

Im trying to stay strong. Becuz its not about me. But inside its so hard.

...

Feeling abandoned

Seven short years ago...

Today is Gerrett's birthday!!!!
Seven years old.

Seven years ago we were blessed with a very sweet baby boy.


Who would have thought that seven years flys by so fast?
I love my Gerrett more than words, he is so smart, imaginitive and funny.
He loves nerf guns, trucks and video games. Telling jokes, laughing, and he is soooo lovable!

Happy Birthday Gerrett! Momma Loves you!!!!!!

Thirty Days

New year, new ideas?
Hows a challenge? How about we try to keep up with this.
Thirty days of photos.

Im started today via Facebook, and I hope to keep up with this. Possably find 12 new ones for every month too.

Day one: a photo of you.
Day two: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.
Day three: a photo that makes you happy.
Day four: a photo of a place you'd like to visit.
Day five: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day six: a photo of someone you love.
Day seven: a photo of something you stand for.
Day eight: a photo of something you enjoy doing.
Day nine: a photo of yourself when you were a baby.
Day ten: any photo you like for any reason.
Day eleven: a photo of a night you loved.
Day twelve: a photo of when you were happy.
Day thirteen: a photo of one of your favorite movies.
Day fourteen: a photo of your best friend (s).
Day fifteen: a photo of you and a family member.
Day sixteen: a photo from your childhood.
Day seventeen: a photo from a trip you'll never forget.
Day eighteen: a photo of your town.
Day nineteen: a photo of your favorite thing from school.
Day twenty: a photo of something you ate today.
Day twenty-one: a photo of somebody you find attractive.
Day twenty-two: a photo that you associate a good memory with.
Day twenty-three: a photo of something you want to do someday.
Day twenty-four: a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.
Day twenty-five: a photo that inspires you.
Day twenty-six: a photo of your favorite subject in school.
Day twenty-seven: a photo of something you are looking forward to.
Day twenty-eight: a photo of something/somebody that made your day.
Day twenty-nine: a photo of your favorite person from history.
Day thirty: a photo you find beautiful

New year - New beginings

HAPPY 2011!!!!!!!

1-1-11 <- that's kinda neat, a so called lucky way to start.

I have decided I will be better this year. Nothing to specific. Just over all.
I want to yell less. Say hurtful things less. Love more. Smile more. Complain less. Whine less. Spend more one on one time with my kids. Slow down. Connect more. Live in the moment.

Mainly I want to make the most of today, Everyday.
I don't want tomorrow to be the end but if it is I don't want to regret how I ended yesterday.

I want to feel content that I know my children are happy when they go to bed.
Safe.
Loved.

I want to learn more patience with them, along with everything else that seems to make me anxious.

I over all want to be a better mother. Though what mother doesn't?
I don't feel I'm a bad mother, but I know I can improve.

I was over all contentment. Knowing when I go to sleep at night everything is at peace.

I will throw myself into this. Put my heart into it.

<3